[19 May 2002|12:28am] [ mood | accomplished ] [ music | ceiling fan ] Victory is mine. ok you know how Mr. Wonderful had been being to me and not talking to me and stuff? well tonight after graduation he was in the precussion room changing and tim and i where in there looking for somthing. Well Tim leaves and I go to follow him and for some reason I just shut the door and lock it. It's just me and him and I look up at him with these big sad eyes and say "why do you hate me ?'' After this we have this big meaningful conversation for about an hour. It was great. We and two other people actually ended up going to Waffle House and eating and we're going to the movies tomorrow. Funny how things wor post comment

[19 May 2002|12:16am] [ mood | accomplished ] [ music | ceiling fan ] Victory is mine. ok you know how Mr. Wonderful had been being to me and not talking to me and stuff? well tonight after graduation he was in the precussion room changing and tim and i where in there looking for somthing. Well Tim leaves and I go to follow him and for some reason I just shut the door and lock it. It's just me and him and I look up at him with these big sad eyes and say "why do you hate me ?'' After this we have this big meaningful conversation for about an hour. It was great. We and two other people actually ended up going to Waffle House and eating and we're going to the movies tomorrow. Funny how things work post comment

[15 May 2002|09:16pm] [ music | Weezer-hash pipe ] I have a car!!! It's a 65 Chevy-two. It's black, two door, no air-conditioning, and gear shifted, but hey it's cute and classic just what I asked for. My daddy's so great. YAY I'm so excited. post comment

[13 May 2002|09:27pm] [ mood | gloomy ] [ music | Black Star-Radiohead ] Today, Today was strange that's all there is to it. I woke up this morning and the power was out. I got to school late and,for the rest of the day,had this strange feeling of abandonment. I'm so confused!!! I was so bad today that during forth period that I began to cry. Mr. Wonderful tried to consuol me, it wasn't until my other really good guy friend,tim, came to talk to me that I felt better. I don't know. (sigh) I'm trying my hardest to take Kristen's advice and stop thinking about it, but that's asking the impossible at this point. 1 comment|post comment

[05 May 2002|08:29pm] [ mood | numb ] [ music | Possum Kingdom-Toadies ] Uggga! Today was awful. On my way to Cookville to see Spiderman i was involved in a car accident. All i remember is the car zig-zagging acroos the road and then everything getting white with black squiggley lines. They told i blacked out, but I'm sure I whited out on account of everything got white. I was scaried to death; I just knew I going to die, but i got out with only a minor head injurey. On a happier note, I went to see garbage last night in consert. And let me tell you they were FUCKING AWESOME!!!! Shirley cused some guy out for throuhging a half full Sprite bottle on stage. Despite the fact I got lost toward the end, it turned out to be a pretty enjoyable evening. So in short last night was get and I'm glad I'm not dead!! (ohh and by the way i hurt badly) 2 comments|post comment

[03 May 2002|03:29pm] [ mood | cheerful ] [ music | Lets get it on-Jack Black ] Today i got revenge on all the people i hate. We had a party in 1st period and i made cupcakes and put a laxative in the icing. It was great!!! I think things are working out with Mr. Wonderful. i think i decided that right now I just want his friendship. Ohh well have to go flip-flop shopping. 1 comment|post comment

[02 May 2002|03:12pm] [ mood | gloomy ] [ music | Tainted love-marilyn manson ] i feel use less. All of my friends are going through some huge crises that I can't help with. Then there's me. I swear if ever knew where i suppose to be I'd be stunned. Things have gotten better in my past situation. But, now the thing is that I don't think I want Mr. Wonderful anymore. I mean it's like that you onky want what you can't have thnig. I don't know. I swear I'm scerwed up. God! And things where just starting to work out. He told me yesterday that he liked being around me because it got him away from her. That was it; the last straw. Right then I wanted to saw What The Fuck, but instead i just told him that I didn't like her or the way she did him. I'm just tired of it. he always says or does shit like that to me and i cant handle them. Not anymore. 1 comment|post comment

[27 Apr 2002|04:16pm] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | Flagpole sit-up-harvey Danger ] I woke up an hour ago. And you know that old saying "things always look better in the morning" well, they don't. I guess it will just take time. I don't even thing our friendship can be repaired much less anything else. I mean it's like he has two faces. When he's around her, he's this pathetic loser asshole. But when she leaves him alone he's so sweet it's sickening. Ohh well, I guess patience is a virtue I just don't possess. 2 comments|post comment

[26 Apr 2002|06:09pm] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | Creep-Radiohead ] That's it I give up. All week, All Week I beg him to come to where I'm going to be on our da off. And what does he do? He brings her and they get high and have sex. I mean what the fuck am I misreading something here or does a breakup not mean that the sex stops. I understand the whole still being "friends" thing but geees. Then to top that off I go with a mutual friend of ours to get something to eat, right? So I casually ask what the fuck is up and he says that he (our friend) thinks that he likes me because that's what he told him. I told him he had a fucked out way of something it. So, that's it. I wash my hands of the situation. He will not hurt me any longer. I don't like what he's doing to me or the way he's doing it. God, way do all guys always have to fucking hurt me??? Well, fuck that!! He may have had a chance before but it will be a cold day in hell before I let him hurt me agai 1 comment|post comment

[25 Apr 2002|10:19pm] [ mood | bouncy ] [ music | CCR- born on the Bayou ] Hell Yeah!!! I love it when I get my way. He dumped that bitchy whore. He gave her to reasons why. One was just about her being fucking annoying and always being de[ressed and bringing him down, but reason number two was ME! How cool is that! We're still kind of "talking" now, but I deffinatly see a future. Hopefully. 2 comments|post comment

[22 Apr 2002|03:43pm] [ mood | cheerful ] [ music | Faith- Limp Bizket ] " Ode to the Goldfish" Oh wet pet. post comment

[21 Apr 2002|02:01pm] [ mood | giggly ] [ music | Tiny Dancer- Elton John ] Oh, blissful joy. Oh, joyous bliss. Last night was wonderful. Well, prom really sucked some ass. I left right in the middle with some friends to sit in the limo for the remainder. After prom though, after prom was perfect. He sat next to me in the limo and had his arms around me the whole night. It felt kind of wrong because of his girlfriend the whorey bitch, but still I had a great time so who the hell cares about her. We left her crying at BestWay because she couldn't fit in our already cramped limo. Ha Ha. Little bitch who constantly mistreats him didn't get her way. Ha. Ha. Ha 1 comment|post comment

[17 Apr 2002|08:01pm] [ mood | rejected ] [ music | Faith- Limp Bizket ] I kind of feel like an outcast in my own little world. One of my very best friends in the whole world is hanging around a new crowd of idiots. She tries to listen and care but when we're together we are at such different ends of the spectrum its hard to find stuff to talk about. I could care less about her new friends stupid problems and I think she feels the same way. I'm trying my hardest to make it work but its so hard. Then on top of that my other very best friend in the whole world is hanging out with a new crowd also. She's into drugs and God knows what else. It's not that I disapprove of the drugs and friends, I mean it's her life and body, its just that it's hard to realize that we're not kids anymore and a Big-Bird band-aid won't fix it. I just kind of feel like this journal is the only person, or thing, that really gives a damn. I guess I'm just the black sheep of my own society post comment

[16 Apr 2002|07:48pm] [ mood | gloomy ] [ music | Mr. Tambourine Man - Bob Dylan ] I've felt dreary all day today. I'm not sure why. There was just this gloomy feeling that followed my like a black rain cloud. Ohh, well, theres's always hope for tomorrow. post comment

[15 Apr 2002|04:24pm] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | Buffalo Springfield-what's that sound ] Why must things change? I don't understand. A few weeks ago I was fine. I was completely and totally over him. Then, boom, in one weekend my whole life is turned upside down. And it's worse now because every time I see him with that whore I just want to cry. Not to mention she,his girlfriend the whore, hates me. Plus, the whore wants to join our section. Probably just to be a bigger bitch to me more often. I don't know, today's quote was "nothing lasts forever not even your problems" maybe I should take it's advise 1 comment|post comment

[13 Apr 2002|04:06pm] [ mood | gloomy ] [ music | You Don't know How It Feels-Tom Petty ] I hate secrets. I learned a secret about a friend today that makes me look at them in a whole other prospective. Of course this may sound selfish but, I'm not sure which one hurt worse; that it happened or that it wasn't me. I do believe I'm going crazy. 1 comment|post comment

[11 Apr 2002|09:33pm] [ mood | chipper ] [ music | Weezer ] This could have been one of the best days of my life. Well, all except one thing. A friend of mine made a very disturbing comment or rather prediction about my future. It wasn't a terrible one. It was just that it's basically the same thing that a lot of people tell me. It didn't mean that much to me until she said something because I value her opinion. I personally think that a relationship with very close friend such as he would ruin the special friendship. I'm not sure what I'll do if this friend turns out to be psychic. I suppose I will just cross that bridge when I get there. 2 comments|post comment

[09 Apr 2002|06:58pm] [ mood | cheerful ] [ music | Cake ] Today was unusually strange in that it was a good bad day. A friend of mine is showing off her immaturity by being angry with me for no good reason. Evidently I didn't give her my full undivided attention or something along those lines. To tell you the truth I don't know what the hell her problem is nor do I care that much. Oh, well that was the bad part of my day. The good part was that my friend who I was so worried about is showing signs of improvement. She's not out of the hospital yet but their hoping by the end of the week. Then she's out for some long months of recovery. Another good thing that happened today is that I found my place in my community. I went on a trip yesterday and some unlikely friends told me how much they missed me and how I brightened their day. 1 comment|post comment

[06 Apr 2002|09:00pm] [ mood | worried ] [ music | Free Bird-Lynard Skynard ] Why is it that women are obsessed with love stores? From birth we as girls are taught to romanticize love with stories of Cinderella and Snow White. This leads us to believe that when we are eighteen or an age around that we will find our perfect mate. Why is it that the Grimm brothers never told us the years before and, for most the years after, are filled with complete and total assholes. A good friend of mine is near death because of this fantasy mixed with her own ailment. Will her boyfriend ever apologize and tell her that he is sorry for making her believe that in order to be with him she must dump her friends and destroy her body? No! He will make some excuse about it being her own fault. Where was her Prince Charming? Is true love only something for a lucky few. post comment

[03 Apr 2002|04:17pm] [ mood | zestful ] [ music | Queen ] I wonder if I am crazy for thinking that everyone I know except a special few are complete and total idiots. I sometime feel that I have outgrown my surroundings. Everyone is just kind of small minded, rude, and judgmental. I mean, if you make one mistake it follows you for the rest of your life. Maybe I should just put them all in a large jar in the bottom of the ocean. Or, I guess, I could just join the circus. 5 comments|post comment

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